Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
