i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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