so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
