life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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