my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
