just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
