I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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