The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
