i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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