fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
