i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
