I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
