I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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