god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize