physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
