I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
