Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
