i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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