Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I could make wine with my vomit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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