it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
