I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
