Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
