I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize