That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
