my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
