You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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