Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you will always have a special place in my vag
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
