it wasn't lemon gatorade
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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