I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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