I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
