What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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