Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
