drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
