some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
