Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize