I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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