Cold hands, warm shart.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
