Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
