So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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