cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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