dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
