OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
