he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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