DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
