Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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