i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't make out with my wife yet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
