I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
