So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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