Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
