i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
