It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
