Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
