so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
