Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
