I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
