It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
