I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
