He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did i walk over a car last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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