Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i now understand why vodka
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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