what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
