I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the gays at disneyland are vicious
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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