dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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