I just pynch a tree in the face
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My balls are so social today.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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