How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His nipple licking is glorious
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