nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
