i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
