I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I look better un-naked...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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