Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
