We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
